"and the world spins madly on"
I never thought I would be
they type
of person to apologize incessantly.
the type
that when things get rough, and when I get sick,
I don't go to the doctor to see what's wrong with me,
I look in the mirror and make a list of all the things that I see are wrong about myself, instead.
the type
to shatter the same mirror and run the pieces along my skin.
I never though that I would be
that type.
the type
of person to apologize for existing.
to apologize consistently for the parts I have grown to love
I shouldn't have to apologize for "caring too much"
I shouldn't have to apologize for taking the day off to bandage myself back into existence,
because that's one thing I had to apologize for;
existing.
I shouldn't have to apologize for missing you, or him, or her,
or for being nostalgic,
or for finding new people.
but yet, I sit and continue to say, "I'm sorry."
I can't stop apologizing for being an ocean.
the earth never apologizes for being "too oceanic" and for sending tsunamis.
it never apologizes for the wars, and corruption, and loss.
never once has it apologized for evolving and breaking into thousands of pieces.
it's never apologized for crying on us endlessly, because it makes things grow.
the sun rises every single day.
the earth never stops spinning,
time never stops moving,
day to night
to day to night in a full circle.
through every possible season,
through droughts and floods,
never once has it not made it through a day, and onto the next.
never once has it given up, for billions of years.
through death,
and natural disasters,
and being torn apart,
the world
keeps
moving
and I have to,
too.
so let me say one thing..
I don't apologize for "caring too much".
I don't apologize for existing.
and if the world has taught me one thing correct,
it's that I sure as hell will never apologize for getting back up and moving on.
because that is how I exist.
I exist poetically
and nostalgically
and tragically
and disastrously.
and if you can't handle that, I'm sorry, I'm done apologizing.
"I'll swallow you whole."
1 comments
This is important.
ReplyDeleteI remember you once wrote "this is important" in my book, I still think about that sometimes.
I love how you exist.