what follows after seven p.m.

I overthink and overcompensate and spend too much time comparing myself to others when I should just finish my freaking math homework.

And I notice every flaw, every blemish, every single crooked thing highlighted in a full length mirror.

Your blog is flawless.

Your metaphors are flawless.

Your style is flawless.

Your mind is flawless.

Your passion is flawless.

Your bravery is flawless.

Your eyes are flawless.

Your persona is flawless.

And nostalgia is a crippling disease that is impossibly incurable. It's an illness that renders you breathless, and hopeless.

It leaves you gasping for the air in room 105, and the smell of your dad's aftershave, and the sound of your best friends voice, but you can't hear them sing you lullabies for two years.

I'm sorry I couldn't be there for you when you were struggling through your freshman year in college. I just didn't understand how homesickness really affects you until now.

I'm sorry I can't be your best friend anymore.

I'm sorry I couldn't make myself have feelings for you, because I know how badly you wanted to make things work for us.

I'm sorry I kiss the wrong boys and want to keep kissing the wrong boys so I don't have to worry about making it work with the right ones.

I'm sorry I talk about myself too much.

I'm sorry I'm over apologetic, and tell you that I love you and need you too often.

I'm sorry that I will never stop telling you that I miss you.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry that we drifted apart after we both turned 17.

I'm sorry I couldn't be there for you when you got your wisdom teeth out, and when you broke up with your latest boyfriend.

I'm sorry that I can’t fit into the right kinds of jeans

I'm sorry I yell at you sometimes, I just got used to being your mom, because ours was MIA.

I'm sorry I share too much. I'm sorry I don't share enough.

I'm sorry I couldn't be good enough to get into BYU.

I'm sorry I wasted my first kiss, and that you still haven't had yours.

I'm sorry.

I'M SORRY.

I'm sorry if I am drowning you in my ocean heart……

……I was just looking for a lifeguard.

Kal

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