fears: needles and relationships
I am made up of four
walls.
Two walls for the
lies.
One wall for the
brokenness.
One wall for the
anxieties.
I've backed myself
into a corner.
The corner between
being scared of needles, and being scared of relationships.
Trapped between
lies, brokenness, and anxiety.
Maybe needles are
irrelevant, but let's talk about relationships because that seems to be a lot
of what's on the forefront of my mind lately.
I can count on one
fist how many boys I've let through these walls.
That fist being
zero.
I haven't let them
in because of the lies, the brokenness, and the anxiety.
Nobody has ever
proved to me that they want anything more than surface.
They don't go more
than skin deep.
There is soul down
there.
There is poetry down
there I want to share with you.
But maybe I'm wrong,
maybe I really have been willing to let them in, they just haven't made the
effort to break down the walls.
And that sucks.
I want to be this
love believer, this poetic inspirer, and have miserably failed to be either of
those things.
So when it comes to
love, once I'm in, I'm all in.
I don't do half way.
I don't do even 99
percent.
I do all in.
So if you're scared
of that, tell me before you kiss me.
If you're scared,
don't hold on to me just to let me go.
If you don't want
me, then don't ask for me to meet you half way.
And you know what,
even if you ask for half way, I'll go more than half.
I'll go all the way
to you.
I'll meet you in any
city you want, just to let you know I care..
But would you come
to me? Would you even come half way?
If you don't want
me, I won't want you.
Okay……………………………
I'll try not to want
you.
But just a
precaution..
Know that I have
four walls.
Two walls for the
lies.
One wall for the
brokenness.
One wall for the
anxieties.
I am four walls,
with no windows and no doors.
Two walls for the
lies.
____________________
____________________
One wall for the
brokenness.
____________________
One wall for the
anxieties.
____________________
I'm begging you..
Please break them
down.
I don't want to be
trapped inside these four walls anymore.
1 comments
Kallee Beth Pierce.
ReplyDeleteI would quote my favorite lines but all of it is my favorite.
I feel this SO much it makes me ache right along with you.
If we were allowed idols, you would be my idol and I mean that.